Yesterday was pretty rough. I woke up to my back absolutely screaming. It was the anniversary of my car wreck, the bad one, the one that changed most everything. It was like my body was physically remembering. But when I went out to smoke, I saw that it was pouring rain outside and that explained it. My back always gets so much worse when it’s storming. It’s really a shame because I love when it rains. I just wish that it didn’t hurt so much. My back woke me up at 10am but I just couldn’t bear to get the day started with that kind of pain. So I took 4 more muscle relaxers and was able to sleep until noon, which made things a little bit more bearable. I’m trying to take it easy on the pain meds to keep my tolerance in check but it’s difficult on days like yesterday. My back has been pretty bad today as well but nothing like yesterday morning. I can’t wait until the 15th so I can talk to Dr. S about getting some back injections. I hope he doesn’t mind and will work with me to get it taken care of soon. Aside from the rain, I think maybe things got bad because I spent most of the day before in bed. For some reason that really pissed my back off. I know I sit horrible, and some doctors have told me that I really should work on my posture and that it will help my back in the long run. But sitting with my legs crossed and my arms resting on my knees with my shoulders hunched over makes my back feel so much better. I don’t know if it is because it takes the pressure off of that disc…or maybe it just stretches my back out in a certain way. But I haven’t noticed it hurting anything and when I don’t spend a portion of the day sitting like that, it seems to make my back throw a fit. So I keep doing it.
Things are about to get much more difficult. My mother-in-law, Sharyn, fell last night and broke her hip. So Jon and I are going to have to give her as much help as we absolutely can. Help her get around, keep the house clean, work on the yard, take care of the dogs. It helps that Jon’s cousins live across the street from her. Sharyn just finished having surgery. God, that poor woman can’t catch a break. My father-in-law, Bob, died a few months ago in July. He was Sharyn’s partner for 16 years. It has been hard on everyone but especially on Sharyn, of course. Physically, Sharyn is even worse off than me. And Bob used to take care of things around the house for her. Jon and I were there visiting her just a few days ago. I wish she had told us what she needed done so that we could have taken care of it for her. But she didn’t say anything about it. She has been having lots of trouble sleeping lately. I shared my muscle relaxers with her and my Clonidine but even those stopped having an effect. We gave her some Amitriptyline to try but I don’t know how it was working for her. I wonder if that contributed to her fall. She was way too drugged up to really give us the story about what happened when Jon talked to her last night. I suppose we will find out soon enough. God, she is already struggling with money. I don’t know how she is going to be able to pay for the ambulance ride, the surgery, and the hospital stay. I feel so terrible for her. I just hope she will let us help her as much as we are wanting to. Maybe it would be best if we lived out there with her for a time. If Jon could borrow her car then he would be able to drive to work. And I’m not working at the present time….I wonder if Jon would prefer me putting off looking for a job so that I can help his mom. Something to talk about. Dr. C was kind enough to fill my pain meds early so that I could take them out with me instead of making the drive back to Austin to pick them up on Sunday. We had to pay for them out of pocket but we just used the money that we were going to use to buy Kratom. It worked out. He also sent in some Promethazine for me because I am still throwing up off and on. And I got a refill of my birth control. Luckily those did not cost anything.
I’ve lost another couple of pounds. That makes 44lbs since May. Ideally I would like to lose 20lbs more. It still concerns me that I am losing weight despite not trying and even eating a lot. And eating junk food to boot. Chocolate eclairs, candy, chips, and stuff like that. And I’m not eating particularly healthy. Pizza and sandwiches and beefaroni. Drinking quite a bit of Dr. Pepper. Yet I continue to lose weight. Well, whatever, I will take it. If there is no real problem behind this then it is definitely a good “problem” to have! My hair is still falling out, of course. That is the thing I think I most wish would resolve itself. I don’t really notice my hair being to thin or having bald spots or anything, it is just SO inconvenient! Having to pull so much hair out every hour or so and having hair just about everywhere. Trying to round it all up to put into the garbage can so that the dogs don’t accidentally eat it. Jeez. Still trying to work with the allergy medicine. My drainage has been someone better the last few days which is odd because I lapsed and didn’t take the allergy meds for a day or two. But maybe the storm has cleared something out of the air or something like that. My breathing has been pretty good. I went through a phase where I was just sleeping a ton. One day I woke up at 2:00pm and the next day I woke up at 3:45pm. After going to bed at my usual time, midnight. But that ended when my back started hurting so bad….even then I sleep until 11am or 12pm. So I’m sleeping at least 12 hours a night which is quite a lot of sleep. I’ll have to keep an eye on that.
I starting taking a Cymbalta at 3pm yesterday. So now I am up to 2 a day. I am hoping that improves my mood and doesn’t screw with my sleep too much or give me brain zaps or anything. If it does then I guess I will need to talk to the Psychiatrist. I also need to talk to her about changing my mood stabilizer soon. Because I have met my out of pocket maximum, I am good to stay on the Latuda until January when my insurance changes. But after that…well, it’s $1,000 a bottle for a month’s supply. I am just so tired of dealing with it and finding ways around it. It’s a shame because I really like the Latuda and I hate experimenting with psych drugs. But it just needs to be done.
Bite the bullet.