Today’s newest problem? Electric shocks. That all I can think of to describe them. Maybe brain zaps. Everytime I move my head, look at something else, it’s like sticking my finger in an electrical outlet. Shock shock shock. Starting in my brain…and then traveling all through my body, straight out of my toes, in a split second. It’s over before I barely register that it’s going on. But I can feel it start in my brain. Then it travels down, so fast. Zap. Everytime I move…I’ve tried to be still today. But there is only so much still I can take before my body starts aching. I’ve this feeling before…of being electrocuted. But only when I have run out of Cymbalta. I’ve heard that brain zaps are a frequent side effect of Cymbalta withdrawal, so I would just bear down and wait for it to be over. But I’m not missing anything now! I have ALL my medications! So why the shocks? Well…it’s better than the scary loud shocks that start in my ears and head. That feels like someone just walked up to me and smacked my ears with their hands. WHOOMP!! Change in pressure, sounds…a screaming hollow thud and then a ringing. Electric jolt through my brain. Those actually frighten me. They are so loud and so sudden that I gasp and flinch, caught off guard. That was happening constantly a few weeks ago. Glad that, for whatever reason, it is mostly gone. Now, if I can just go to sleep and have these brain/body shocks piss off. THAT would be great. Taking my sleepy meds now. I’ve had more than enough of this today.
Still a multitude of problems. Headaches. My body aches in a delicate way- my very skin hurts. My eyes. Ultra sensitive. But the small clear blisters that were all over my hands are gone! Finally. Except the one I scratched. The one that broke open and got pus everywhere. Disgusting. It has left a hideous deep scab that will scar. Happy that I didn’t scratch anymore of them. Still have cuts- scabs and raw wounds all over my scalp. Well…probably only 4 or 5 different cuts, but it FEELS like it’s all over. I can barely touch my head. Hair is still falling out at an alarming pace. I don’t play with my hair or run my fingers through it anymore. I just wind up with a handful of hair and scabs. So very gross. Maybe I have leprosy and nobody has told my yet? Mmmm, maybe. Get exhausted going to the kitchen and back. Forget the outside world. It’s out of my reach. I stay safely in my rooms, moving as little as possible, waiting for something to happen. Something has to happen. This has been going on a disturbingly long time. Dr. C and Dr. S will help me. The primary care and the pain doctor who make up my special team. The team that gets me through this life of mine. Thank God there are people in my corner.